Thursday, September 9, 2010

Every negative thought you have about other people is really an expression of who you are!

People that have been working with their own issues, and especially those who have been sensitive to other's behaviors and attitudes, including other people's thoughts and believes about them, can have stumbled upon the statement: "What other people don't like about you, has to do more with them, then with you!" They might have also learned that even the opposite is true, and that "What bothers you about other people, have to do with you, and not them".
Both statements are equally true, and those who have understood it, might have noticed that self development has a lot to do with these two statements. The first one helps people in the quest of not caring to much about other people's opinions and the other to be tolerant and learn to work and live with people that they might not approve of or like. Accepting yourself and other's shortcomings, with all the positive and all the negative elements will actually lead to emotional balance, a happier life and to be the person that you really would like to be and the person that you "think" that you are (generous, tolerant, warm hearted, happy etc.).

We often project our own feelings and our own limits upon others and therefore if we find a good target, we might inject them with our own sense of insecurity, our need of power and our less positive qualities. When we are bothered about something that another person says, it actually means that we do have a problem.

Much of the self-help literature is based on personal experiences blended with new age ideas. No research done. No scientific references.

This is about to change, as some research has actually proven that it actually it is so. People that exhibit antisocial behavior and narcissistic traits (that don't accept to be criticized) will have more negative feelings about others. Normal people, will not have the same problems when dealing with others. They will accept critique without heading into a depression or express any kind of active or passive anger against the person that they don't approve of.

So, every time somebody doesn't like you or acts antisocial when dealing with you, remember that it's not your own fault, but it has to do with them. And every time, something bothers you in others (as long as it goes into the borders of acceptance) it has to do with you, and not them.

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